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Please don't be sad for what is happening in my life right now. It has been a long time in coming and much of it is my own fault.... but I want to let people I care about know why I haven't been on DA as much.
I've been depressed. Really depressed for over 10 years. 18 months or so ago, my wife gave me an ultimatum, with a lot of strings attached. I became even more depressed, tried many things, even Rx drugs, nothing really made a difference. But I had joined this site to start sharing pictures, then forgot about it. I came back last September and started finding other people to interact with. Haven't really shared my photos as much as I thought I would because I was too busy interacting with other people. It helped my depression.... very much so. There have been bumps along the way, people I was getting to know who just dropped off here and I miss them... some terribly, but overall, it has been good for me.
I started looking forward to seeing what other people were doing, saying. I started following other people, artists, models, photographers, & writers as well. And as this has happened, I have changed from the person I was. I'm much more open and honest. I don't hide my feelings as much, even if that means I say that I am sad or unhappy when before I would try to fake it and put on a happy facade. But over the last 18 months, my wife and I have grown further apart, not together. A week ago, we decided to end our marriage because I can't put her through my depressiveness, and I'm not getting better and she deserves to be happy.
I'm not easy to live with, I'm not a saint, I'm just a normal depressed person who isn't going to just snap out of it (as I have been told to do many times). So my kids are not happy with me, neither is my wife, but I can't keep pretending that everything is ok, that I'm alright, that I will be who I was before, and I'm finally starting to become reconciled to that.
I've been depressed. Really depressed for over 10 years. 18 months or so ago, my wife gave me an ultimatum, with a lot of strings attached. I became even more depressed, tried many things, even Rx drugs, nothing really made a difference. But I had joined this site to start sharing pictures, then forgot about it. I came back last September and started finding other people to interact with. Haven't really shared my photos as much as I thought I would because I was too busy interacting with other people. It helped my depression.... very much so. There have been bumps along the way, people I was getting to know who just dropped off here and I miss them... some terribly, but overall, it has been good for me.
I started looking forward to seeing what other people were doing, saying. I started following other people, artists, models, photographers, & writers as well. And as this has happened, I have changed from the person I was. I'm much more open and honest. I don't hide my feelings as much, even if that means I say that I am sad or unhappy when before I would try to fake it and put on a happy facade. But over the last 18 months, my wife and I have grown further apart, not together. A week ago, we decided to end our marriage because I can't put her through my depressiveness, and I'm not getting better and she deserves to be happy.
I'm not easy to live with, I'm not a saint, I'm just a normal depressed person who isn't going to just snap out of it (as I have been told to do many times). So my kids are not happy with me, neither is my wife, but I can't keep pretending that everything is ok, that I'm alright, that I will be who I was before, and I'm finally starting to become reconciled to that.
For a beautiful individual...
We've all been there, things are tight financially everywhere it seems (at least they always are for me).
I have been watching an amazing photographer, artist, model, and lovely human being for over a year now & who is having a tough time and needs a little help. She's embarrassed and humiliated to ask so I'm helping spread the word a bit. She could use a little positive nudge in either cash or thoughts. Please go encourage her & if you have $5, $4 or $1000, I know she would appreciate that someone cared enough to give a little.
Her gofundme link is http://www.gofundme.com/jh78uo
A Safe Place
Some of you know a bit of where my head has been in past years, and what I have been through. Just in the past few months things got better, then drastically worse personally. I'm working my way back, but it has not been easy, nor pleasant. I've seen parts of myself that I had barely perceived as I had hidden them well.
I can't go back to where I was, nor can I stay where I am. Now that those walls are down & all is laid bare, I am examining where I am, where I should go, what I should do, while discarding outdated beliefs and trusting on truth & reason to see me through.
I have been asked & freely given advice to people and
It's magic
I don't know what the future holds for you and I...
but when I think of you, I find a world of possibilities
opened up when you said yes to me.
Last year, and for years before,
I didn't think it in any way possible that someone,
let alone as amazing as you, would come into my life.
That my life could be better,
that there is a future with someone who is caring and giving.
And I wake up each day since and wonder at the magic you have cast on me.
It's magic
I don't know what the future holds for you and I...
but when I think of you, I find a world of possibilities
opened up when you said yes to me.
Last year, and for years before,
I didn't think it in any way possible that someone,
let alone as amazing as you, would come into my life.
That my life could be better,
that there is a future with someone who is caring and giving.
And I wake up each day since and wonder at the magic you have cast on me.
© 2014 - 2024 chinoise56
Comments16
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I am so sorry, that you are going through this,
It is a very hard situation to be on,
I am happy that you are understanding and willing to talk about it,
and I am also glad that you have found people that you can be honest with.
It is really nice to meet you and I look forward to see some more of your pics
Have a nice week my friend!
It is a very hard situation to be on,
I am happy that you are understanding and willing to talk about it,
and I am also glad that you have found people that you can be honest with.
It is really nice to meet you and I look forward to see some more of your pics
Have a nice week my friend!